All-Loser Team vs. 1985 Chicago Bears

In 2002, my first year as a sportswriter, Oakland Athletics shortstop Miguel Tejada (.861 OPS, 5.7 WAR) won the American League MVP over Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez (1.015 OPS, 8.8 WAR). Tejada's A's won 103 games and qualified for the postseason, while A-Rod's Rangers finished last in the AL West, 72-90. Voters parsed the meaning of "valuable" to disqualify Rodriguez, who was clearly the league's best player and almost certainly contributed more wins to his team than Tejada. Some voters interpreted "Most Valuable Player" to mean the best player, the one who improved his team the most. Others believed that the term "valuable" should only apply to players whose excellence led to the postseason. Baseball journalists and award voters — and this applies to many other sports as well — have traditionally sympathized with legendary GM Branch Rickey's remark to star outfielder Ralph Kiner: "We finished in last place with you. We can finish in last place without you." The Rangers finished in last place with Rodriguez; even if he helped them win a few more games, did he really provide any value?

In football, these conflicts even spawned a hashtag, #QBWinz, to push back against the prevailing notion that quarterbacks are best judged by the success of their teams. At the end of each regular season from 2002-17, I named an NFL all-star team comprised entirely of players whose teams missed the playoffs. I published the list each year to give recognition to great players on average-to-bad teams and to refute the notion that individual skill is best measured by team success, or that playing for a below-average team means you aren't a great player.

Several years ago, Football Perspective readers voted the 1985 Chicago Bears the greatest team in history. In the ultimate All-Loser exercise, I have put together a 53-man All-Loser roster that I believe would beat the Bears — not just a team that would have a chance against them, but that would beat them consistently, eight or nine times out of ten — without any players from teams that made the postseason. The roster limit at that time was 45, but I think a more expansive roster is more interesting. For the sticklers among you, I'll list my 45-man team at the end.

OFFENSE

Quarterbacks: Dan Fouts (SD), John Elway (DEN), Boomer Esiason (CIN)

Fouts led all passers in net yards per attempt ... by a yard (7.82). That includes playoff QBs like Dan Marino (6.80) and Joe Montana (6.44). Fouts was named second-team All-Pro (behind Marino), though Paul Zimmerman (Sports Illustrated's Dr. Z) chose Fouts as his All-Pro QB. The Bears thrived on an intimidating pass rush, and the quarterbacks that had success against them — like Dan Marino and Steve DeBerg and Doug Williams — usually got rid of the ball quickly. Fouts is among the best in history in that respect, and his 4.0% sack rate in 1985 was second-best in the NFL, trailing only Marino (3.1%).

Elway lacked weapons, but ranked second among QBs in both passing yards (to Marino) and rushing yards (to Atlanta's David Archer). The Broncos went 11-5, but missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker. Esiason ranked second (to Ken O'Brien) in TD/INT +/-, but without O'Brien's tendency to eat sacks.

Running Backs: Gerald Riggs (ATL), James Brooks (CIN), Stump Mitchell (STL), Lionel James (SD)

Count me among those who believe that the 1985 and 1986 Chicago Bears had the greatest defense of all time. But when you look at which opponents gave them trouble, there is an obvious trend: teams that threw to their running backs a lot. Good receiving RBs like Earnest Byner and Kelvin Bryant had big days against this otherwise impenetrable defense, and their teams put up big point totals. To that end, this team features Brooks (55 rec, 576 yds, 5 TD), Mitchell (47/502/3), and James (86/1027/6). All four RBs gained over 1,500 yards from scrimmage, and all except James scored double-digit TDs.

Riggs rushed for 1,719 yards and 10 TDs, and led the NFL in rushing first downs (104); he's here for short yardage, blocking, and as a change of pace. I listed Riggs (who was 2nd-team All-Pro) first, but against the Bears, Brooks is the primary RB. He played with both Fouts and Esiason, and among players with at least 25 career receiving TDs (Brooks scored 30), only Marshall Faulk gained more rushing yards. Football Outsiders' Mike Tanier examined Brooks for the Legends of DVOA series.

Wide Receivers: Mike Quick (PHI), Steve Largent (SEA), Wes Chandler (SD), Art Monk (WAS), Louis Lipps (PIT)

Largent, Quick, Monk, and Chandler were the top four in receiving yardage — including playoff WRs. Lipps, Quick, and Chandler were the top three in receiving TDs (again, including players whose teams made the playoffs). This receiving corps includes deep burners (Quick, Chandler, Lipps) but also great possession receivers (Largent and Monk), one of whom blocked like a tight end. Monk scored two TDs in a divisional playoff game against the '86 Bears — essentially the same defense — to knock them out of the postseason. With these receivers, you'd better get to the QB quickly, because even the '85 Bears can't keep this group covered.

James Lofton (69 rec, 1,153 yds, 4 TD) is also eligible, and if you're second-guessing the decision to leave him off, that makes two of us.

Tight Ends: Hoby Brenner (NO), Jimmie Giles (TB), Steve Jordan (MIN), John Spagnola (PHI)

Brenner is the top TE. Always an outstanding blocker — like having an extra lineman — in '85 he had his best receiving season, ninth among TEs in receiving yardage (652). Giles, a Pro Bowler, gained 673 yards — including 112 against the Bears in Week 5 — and could also block. He'll see plenty of time in two-TE sets. Jordan ranked third among TEs in both receptions (68) and receiving yards (795), and he had some pretty good games against the 1985-86 Bears. Spagnola had similar numbers (64 rec, 772 yds, 5 TD).

Offensive Tackles: Anthony Munoz (CIN), Joe Jacoby (WAS), Chris Hinton (IND)

Anthony Muñoz is widely regarded as the greatest OT in history, and this was the prime of his career. He was a consensus All-Pro in 1985. Jacoby, also in his prime, will play RT (where he played in 1991, on another team FP readers ranked among the best in history). He was a Pro Bowler and All-Conference selection in '85. Hinton was a Pro Bowler and second-team All-Pro (Dr. Z picked Hinton and the Bears' Jim Covert as his All-Pro tackles).

Guards: Russ Grimm (WAS), Mike Munchak (HOU), Bruce Matthews (HOU)

All three guards are Hall of Famers. Grimm was a consensus All-Pro in '85, and Munchak second-team All-Pro. Matthews is also the third-string center and backup long snapper.

Centers: Mike Webster (PIT), Don Macek (SD)

The Dolphins' Dwight Stephenson was a consensus All-Pro, but Webster was second-team All-Conference and made the ninth of his ten Pro Bowls. Macek was a close call over Atlanta's Jeff Van Note and Denver's Bill Bryan.

Starting Offense

QB: Dan Fouts
RB: James Brooks
WR: Mike Quick
WR: Steve Largent
TE: Hoby Brenner
TE: Jimmie Giles
T: Anthony Muñoz
T: Joe Jacoby
G: Russ Grimm
G: Mike Munchak
C: Mike Webster

I think the two-TE scheme will help keep Fouts out of trouble and the defense off-balance, but Riggs, Mitchell, Chandler, and Monk will see plenty of time, as well.

DEFENSE

Defensive Ends: Reggie White (PHI), Dexter Manley (WAS), Charles Mann (WAS), Rulon Jones (DEN), Jacob Green (SEA)

This All-Loser Team has a stronger offense than defense, but the Eagles went 7-9 in a stacked NFC East^[1], giving our team the greatest defensive player of all time, Reggie White, who had 13 sacks in 13 games. Manley had 15 sacks and Mann had 14.5. Rulon Jones was second-team All-Pro from the Associated Press, but first-team from The Sporting News and Dr. Z.

Defensive Tackles: Keith Millard (MIN), Joe Nash (SEA), Tim Krumrie (CIN), Dave Butz (WAS), Bill Maas (KC), Rubin Carter (DEN)

Future DPOY Millard had 11 sacks, and Nash was second-team All-Pro. Millard, Nash, Butz, and Maas were each All-Pro in either 1984 or 1986. Carter, nearing the end of his career, could still stuff the run. Most of these guys played nose tackle at some point, so if we wanted to go 3-4, we could. Manley would shift from DE to OLB.

Outside Linebackers: Mike Merriweather (PIT), Duane Bickett (IND), Rickey Jackson (NO), Bryan Hinkle (PIT)

Merriweather was named second-team All-Pro and in the middle of a three-year run of consecutive Pro Bowl appearances. Bickett won Defensive Rookie of the Year. Since this defense will mostly line up 4-3, Jackson is a backup at both DE and OLB.

Inside Linebackers: Karl Mecklenburg (DEN), E.J. Junior (STL), Fredd Young (SEA)

All three made the Pro Bowl, and Mecklenburg was first-team All-Pro. Mecklenburg had 13 sacks, and Junior had 5 interceptions. Those two will rotate depending on the situation, with Young available as a strong emergency option.

Cornerbacks: Louis Wright (DEN), Albert Lewis (KC), Darrell Green (WAS), Dave Brown (SEA)

Green is a Hall of Famer, while Wright and Lewis easily could be, and all were in or near their primes. Wright and Brown were All-Conference selections, and Green is the perfect corner to match up with Chicago's Willie Gault. Lewis had 8 INTs, second-most in the NFL, and Brown had 6.

Safeties: Kenny Easley (SEA), Wes Hopkins (PHI), Deron Cherry (KC), Joey Browner (MIN), Dennis Smith (DEN)

Strongest position on the defense. All five made the Pro Bowl, and all five were named All-Conference. Easley and Hopkins were consensus All-Pros.

Starting Defense

DE: Reggie White
DE: Dexter Manley
DT: Keith Millard
DT: Joe Nash
LB: Mike Merriweather
LB: Duane Bickett
LB: Karl Mecklenburg
CB: Louis Wright
CB: Albert Lewis
FS: Wes Hopkins
SS: Kenny Easley

SPECIAL TEAMS

Kicker: Nick Lowery (KC)

Morten Andersen's Saints missed the playoffs, too. Lowery was first-team All-Pro and Andersen second-team. Both made three field goals of at least 50 yards, tied for the league lead, and Andersen's 14 FG from 40+ were the most in the NFL. Lowery was more accurate from short range and he played in tougher conditions, but they're both good choices.

Punter: John Kidd (BUF)

Buffalo's Kidd, in his second year, had a 35.9 net average, which was above average but nothing special. However, Kidd frequently punted from short fields, which cripples a punter's average, and he played outdoors in Buffalo, which cripples a punter's average. Kidd led the league in punts downed inside the 20, but tied for the fewest touchbacks among regular punters, a remarkable achievement. His 8.3:1 ratio of I-20:TB easily led the league. Atlanta's Rick Donnelly would have been my second choice.

Indianapolis punter Rohn Stark, second-team All-Pro and the AFC's Pro Bowler, is also eligible for this team. Stark led the NFL in gross punting average, but he just kicked the crap out of the ball without any regard for hang time or direction: 73% of his punts were returned or touched back, compared to 57.6% for Kidd, and Stark allowed a return average of 13.3 yards, which is obscene. Every returner who faced Stark turned into an All-Pro for the day. He also had two punts blocked, and he was the only punter in the league with more TB than I-20. I'll pass.

Kickoff Returners: Lionel James, Stump Mitchell, James Brooks

All three led the NFL in kickoff return yards at some point in their careers. Five-foot-six Lionel James, the Darren Sproles of this roster, set the single-season record for all-purpose yardage in 1985.

Punt Returners: Louis Lipps, Darrell Green, Lionel James

Lipps returned two punts for TDs in 1985, tied for the league lead. Darrell Green had a famous punt return TD in the playoffs against the '86 Bears.

Long Snappers: Mike Webster, Bruce Matthews

STAFF

No need to mix and match, I just want Washington's coaching staff: Joe Gibbs, Joe Bugel, Richie Petitbon, Charley Taylor...

(Taylor, himself a Hall of Fame WR, was the wide receivers coach for Art Monk, Gary Clark, and Ricky Sanders. He won three Super Bowl rings as a coach. Taylor, who was Black, was never a head coaching candidate, but he worked with awfully successful receiving corps.)

Composition

This 53-man roster includes seven players from Washington, a 1980s dynasty who went 10-6 in a loaded NFC East and missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker. There are six Broncos and six Seahawks. Both played in the AFC West, another strong division, which only had one team (6-10 Kansas City) under .500. My roster of 53 includes four each from the Bengals, Chargers, Chiefs, Eagles, and Steelers. There are three Vikings, two each from the Cardinals, Colts, Oilers, and Saints, and one apiece for the Bills, Buccaneers, and Falcons.

The only teams not represented are the 8-8 Packers and 7-9 Lions. Green Bay's James Lofton was very close. Neither team had any players selected to the AP All-Pro team, though NEA named Lofton to their second team. Lofton was the only Pro Bowler on either team. Detroit offensive tackle Keith Dorney was named All-NFC by UP, but he was not close to displacing Muñoz, Jacoby, or Hinton on my roster.

Washington and Denver were pretty clearly the strongest teams to miss the playoffs, and their players make up a quarter of my roster.

45-Man Roster

Dan Fouts, John Elway, Gerald Riggs, James Brooks, Stump Mitchell, Lionel James, Mike Quick, Steve Largent, Wes Chandler, Art Monk, Louis Lipps, Hoby Brenner, Jimmie Giles, Steve Jordan, Anthony Muñoz, Joe Jacoby, Russ Grimm, Mike Munchak, Bruce Matthews, Mike Webster, Don Macek, Reggie White, Dexter Manley, Charles Mann, Rulon Jones, Keith Millard, Joe Nash, Dave Butz, Tim Krumrie, Mike Merriweather, Duane Bickett, Rickey Jackson, Karl Mecklenburg, E.J. Junior, Fredd Young, Louis Wright, Albert Lewis, Darrell Green, Dave Brown, Kenny Easley, Wes Hopkins, Deron Cherry, Joey Browner, Nick Lowery, John Kidd

CONCLUSION

The offense is led by Dan Fouts, among the best QBs of his generation at avoiding sacks. It features running backs who can catch, perhaps the Bears' greatest weakness. It has dynamite wide receivers and an all-star offensive line. This is clearly a stronger offense than the 1985 Dolphins team that scored 38 against the Bears on MNF.

The defense is full of stars, including Hall of Famers in their primes — like Reggie White, Rickey Jackson, Darrell Green, and Kenny Easley — and there are no weak links.

We have the league's best kicker and second-best punter (the Rams' Dale Hatcher made the playoffs). The kickoff returners are good and the punt returners are excellent. More generally, the special teams units are full of Pro Bowlers.

I think this team's defense will be even better than the Bears', but the offense and special teams are significantly better. The Bears had a good offensive line, but they didn't have Muñoz, Grimm, Webster, Munchak, and Jacoby. Fouts and Elway are a substantial upgrade compared to Jim McMahon and Steve Fuller, and the disparity in receiving corps is even more dramatic. I have nothing bad to say about Walter Payton, but in 1985, Gerald Riggs was probably just as good, and this roster has more depth and flexibility. Chicago's Kevin Butler was a good kicker, but not like Lowery, and Bears punter Maury Buford couldn't keep his kicks out of the end zone in '85. The Bears kickoff return unit was very strong, with 2 KR TDs, but the All-Loser Team's Louis Lipps had two PR TDs; the return game is probably an edge for us when you consider who the blockers and gunners will be.

Over a sixteen-game "season," how many times would this All-Loser squad beat the '85 Bears? I think this roster of losers could consistently defeat the greatest team of all time.

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